The Anti-Bucket List And How It Can Help You Find What You Really Want In Life

I'm a firm believer that there will always be something I am excited to see, do, or learn until the moment I die. And I plan to experience as much as possible in the meantime. So, I have an organized plan to actually do things on my bucket list. 

But, as we learn from the movie "Yes Man," life is NOT best lived when we say yes to every opportunity that comes our way. 

It's true many of us could say yes a little more. Yet, saying no when we need to will give us a greater capacity to realize the lives we truly want for ourselves. 

It's called boundaries. And sometimes we need to establish boundaries with ourselves too. 

That is why I have an anti-bucket list comprised of things I don't want to do in life so I can avoid distraction from my genuine dreams. 

Allow me to explain... 

I recently stumbled upon a gorgeous travel blog brimming with articles and photos depicting all the incredible things the writer has done and continues to do, not just for fun, but for a living. 

She has traveled to more than a hundred countries and all seven continents, and on and on. 

I felt instant envy.  

In that moment, I toyed with the idea of selling our house and travelling the world with our kids and I was willing to put in the work. I was sure this was the life I wanted, but it didn't feel quite right. 

After some more research and personal reflection, I realized that I don’t really want to be a full time travel blogger, not just because I would be putting in 12 hour work days for at least the first year.

The red flag in this moment was the nature of my motivation. 

It took some time for me to recognize that this "dream" was driven by comparison and a fear of missing out. It would be entirely different if I had been motivated by my own values. 

When I come from a place of value, I can ask myself: What do I genuinely want from life?

The honest answer is that I don’t want to be a full time travel blogger mostly because trying things on my bucket list would become commonplace.

My intention with my bucket list is to break up the routine and bring a little more interest into my life. 

If checking things off my list became my entire life, my work, and my means of income it would lose its appeal.

Research shows that humans are adaptive when it comes to new things. 

For example, the first few months of hiring a cleaning service can bring immense relief but after a short time, it becomes commonplace. And that's what a career in travel would do for me.

Deep down, I know I want a simple life with bursts of excitement, but sometimes I lose sight of that. 

The funny thing is, I’ve been through this before. I had forgotten that I came to this same conclusion a few years ago shortly after I started my blog.

This brought me to the concept of an anti-bucket list. I didn’t coin this term and I have read about it before but I never felt a desire to keep an ongoing list of the things I don’t want in my life. I had no reason to, until now.

I didn’t realize how helpful it can be to rule out the experiences I don’t want so I can better focus on my true aspirations.

Social media brings even more options to our eyes than ever before. We may see someone’s Instagram post of their recent travels to some exotic location and immediately think, “I want that too!”

Most of us soon forget our envy as we scroll, but every now and then I see someone doing something and I add it to my bucket list. This approach not only lengthens my bucket list but it turns my dreams into a to do list. Ew.

I know several people who feel that their life goals have become a burden and they have no way of getting to all of it let alone finding the funds to do everything on their list.

Some of that burden comes from social pressure and cultural norms. We may think we want something because most people in our lives are doing it.

This reminds me of a Mean Girls quote: “I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops so I bought army pants and flip flops." Don't we all do this at some level?

Herein lies the value of an anti-bucket list.

Sometimes there are experiences we may think we want until we step back and take a good, long look at our values. 

And so, an anti-bucket list is a tool to mitigate envy and avoid repeat evaluations of our life choices.

If your bucket list is ever-growing, and sucks the fun out of your life, try this instead:

Start an ongoing list of things you don’t want in your life. That might include places you don’t care to travel to, possessions you don’t want to own, or a way of life that is not for you.

For example, I don’t see myself ever getting a tattoo. I don’t care to ever see a Broadway musical or Times Square. 

I don’t like podcasts in general so I don't want to waste my time finding one I might enjoy. 

I have never seen a Hallmark movie and I am 100% happy with that.

I don’t ever plan to own an Apple watch or a truck. I have zero interest in seeing the Mona Lisa in person. And while I’m confident Iceland would be a lovely place to visit, a vacation there is not a priority for me.

Thus, keeping a list of the things we don’t want alongside our genuine bucket list can save us a lot on time, money, social pressure and especially, effort.

So, I have just one question for you:

What is NOT on your bucket list?

Hi, I'm Kaitlyn and I'm so glad you're here. Get to know me and more about my blog.